Blog no. 1. (Be nice. We all have to start somewhere.)

So. This being my first blog (blog or Blog? Right that's done it, ballsed it up in the first six words.) I feel there's a lot of pressure riding on this first sentence. *wipes brow* Having never written one of these before I can safely say I genuinely have no clue what I'm doing, and the fact that it was my GRANDFATHER who recommended I write one of these on moving to South Africa (in an almost jaunty 'two fingers up' to my youth) just makes it worse...

I'm a romantic. Yep. I may have grown out of the admittedly childish habit of pushing squirming boyfriends TO INCITE DRAMA (Cathy and Heathcliff eat your tragedy-on-the-Yorkshire-moors hearts out) but I still haven't really embraced computers fully. I mean, they're great. Obviously. I'll tweet the hell out of my day to day trivial nothings and upload photo after serial tagger photo on Facebook, but the trust just isn't there. Do you know what I mean? It's like you just don't know if, at any given minute, your computer isn't just going to go- 'Nah, had enough of this lengthy and precious piece you've been labouring over for hours.' And suddenly you're confronted by the blank screen. That blank screen or worse, that evil little note, (sister to the "Did you mean..." Google search prompter) "Windows has had to unexpectedly close..." that stares smugly at you whilst you wail dramatically and contemplate lifting the thing clean out of the sockets and lobbing it out of the window. Unexpected?? I'm not prepared to put my work in the hands of an erratic psychopath who may just UNEXPECTEDLY turn itself off.

So, my romantic inclinations push me to write things. You know. Properly, by hand. This may not be either right or time effective, but it's raw in a sort of- scribbling pieces by candle light as you struggle to stay warm eating your baked beans out of the tin way. Don't laugh. Anyone who read Jilly Cooper and Jane Austen- yes at the same time- found this romantic too. (Admittedly, my near unnatural and unquenchable greed means I'd probably switch the baked beans for goats cheese stuffed lamb rack, potatoes dauphinoise and spinach mourne followed by a wheel of crumbly stilton but still, you get the overall effect.)

Basically- there really should be a point to this rambling- I'm a little suspicious of computers. Not in a 'I have dozens of cats and believe aliens abducted JK' way. I just acknowledge my very limited knowledge of the inner workings of a computer. More specifically, what to do when they die on you. But, since moving to South Africa and the advertising industry I seem to be surrounded by Mac sad tops. (Yes, yes, the bitterness is very closely related to the teary revelation that I cannot afford one of these beauties.)

Unfortunately it's not quite the Mad Men of my fantasies. It is, however, full of Nike Dunks and graffiti-ed walls. Of quirky office additions like climbing walls. Of people who sit at their desks, vulture-like, their eyes narrowed in concentration (or from being stoned...), dressed in graphic tees and hole ridden jeans- dinosaurs of the advertising world of yesterday who terrify with their astounding creativity and determination that they can still pull off that 90's skater cap. (Truly, I never saw so much facial hair or Marvell themed attire before I moved into this industry.) So in essence, my aversion to electronic creativity is about as out of place as a Hummingbird Bakery cake wielding fanatic at a Weight Watchers meeting. And so, fellow bloggers, I like to think of this as my first, Bambi-shakey step into modernity. See how 'in touch' I am now, eh? Y-e-a-h.


*Seriously, I finally know how those contestants feel on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire.' The let's-ease-you-in-gently question- What is the capital of France? comes up, and suddenly they're squawking I'LL PHONE A FRIEND PLEASE! My mind seems to have kindly emptied itself somewhere and I've subsequently gone from, 'On a good day she had a tendency to move from mildly irritating to passably amusing' to pond fodder. Oh dear. Here's to 'second time lucky'...